310707

~因为想一个人而寂寞
因为爱一个人而温柔~
~因为有一个梦而执着
因为等一个人而折磨~
~因为想一个人而解脱
因为爱一个人而宽容~
~因为有一个梦而放纵
因为等一个人而漂泊~

300707 evening

这是我心中想表达的话。。。

我期代雨过天情的那一天，你会对我说我以然是你的好宝贝。。。会不会有那一天呢？我会默默的等代这一天的到来，只要你说你好想在爱我，我一定会回来。。。

我好想好想对你说。。。。

第一个想到的是你
什么叫做缘分呢？
一见种情？
相知相情？
平平淡淡？
日久生情？
我想，只有真正努力的人，
才能遇上好缘分。

谢谢你让我走入你的生命，
或许我不是最精彩的，
但是我总是尽力做到最好，
谢谢你原意走进我的生命，
办演你的角色，
做我生命中最精彩的，

谢谢你这一路走来，
很多的包容，安慰，关心，用心。。。。
所有的深刻都在你给我的回忆里。

当夜深入静时。。。你回想起谁？
我会想起。。。发生过的点点滴的。。。
也会想起。。。你我称经的梦想。。。

我无法忘记我们称经的相聚，
我无法忘记我们伤心的哭泣,
我们也为分离在等待一次相聚,
无奈天有不散之暗席,
我们都为分离背着彼此哭泣,
今后不知你会过的怎样,
也不知你是否会想我。。。

300707

It been 2 weeks since we broke up.. today is my off day yet i am alone.. well, shall wash my ride later and practise on Fur Elise..

To be frank, i'm quite pissed off with that stupid idiot.. already told him to leave her alone yet he still keep messaging her.. keep bugging her.. there are limits to one's patience.. don't push it too far.. worse to worse, i can make the world turn upside down.. laugh all you want just because you think nothing able to be done by one person? Think about it, it only take 7 people to create a revolution in Russia..

280707 - 290707

That my keyboard taken in her room.. After a long day work yesterday, i picked her up and the moment she hop on my car, i play a short verse of Fur Elise for her.. it actually took me 1-2 hours to learn that.. we headed for supper together since i didn't really have my dinner yet..

In the noon today, we went to Serangoon Central to have vegetarian bee hoon.. not bad.. no wonder she always wanted me to bring her there.. Suppose to go for sun tan today but the sky doesn't look promising.. ended up we slack together..

270707

Went to her house to pick her up yesterday.. and she was still lying in the bed.. she opened the door for me.. and back to the bed she went.. since time is still early.. i asked if i can sleep for awhile.. she agree and let me climb on to the bed with her.. when we reached there, I still haven't had my dinner.. so she got me a hotdog bun for dinner and popcorn for both of us.. it is a funny show yet a heart warming one.. is because we are hugging each other while watching it.. But in the end, happy time doesn't last.. i know she wasn't ready to commit again.. therefore, when i thought we are back together.. i show her the ring again.. but she comment we are just very close friends.. we have a good heart talk.. and we hugged each other tight.. before bid goodbye..

Morning she wasn't feeling well, i'm rush to her side.. and we slept through the morning together with her in my arms.. after which, i send her to central as she need to take MC.. and this point of time, he called asking to meet her to pass her stuff.. a CD.. after she done, we are back in the cozy bed again.. the feeling is great to have a love one sleeping beside you with her arms wrap around you.. i never sleep well after she left.. the most is only three/four hours a day.. in result, my smoking get heavier.. but after having her in my arms again.. it has been a nice long sleep.. and my smoking did went down for her.. we have dinner together, macdonal.. our favourite 20 pieces nuggets.. and her favourite drink, sprite. While i'm driving her to her workplace, she feed me like what she used to do in the past.. the feeling unable to use any words to describe it.. but he is there to spoil everything.. he keep messaging her.. in the end, she choose to ignore him as we are having our meals.. in the car.. after we are done, i kissed her goodbye..

I know she wasn't ready.. i understand why she want to be alone and doesn't wish to commit at this point of time.. therefore, i have stop asking her to return for time being.. i wanted her to be happy.. loving someone is not having/possession someone.. but is making the person happy..

250707

Morning call her again.. asked if possible to send her to work but she rejected me.. i guess she still pissed.. when is time to off work, i ask if i could send her back since on the way and yet i found out she is heading out with him.. that guy who had ruin our relationship.. i already dislike him when he keep messaging her when we are still together.. my life is in darkness.. my heart ache.. i'm jealous.. as she can chat with him on messages.. see each other at work place.. and now going out with him.. Me? All no and just no from her..

Relationship is like driving a car.. one have to drive with care and safety.. if happen to miss a turn or make a wrong turn.. one have to know when to make a U-turn or make a detour.. in order to reach your destination..

240707

Picked her up in the morning, sent her to work.. we are holding hands.. everything is so sweet.. we have breakfast together, and is like back to the past.. soon, things change.. i kiss her goodbye.. and she pull it off.. and hurry alight my car.. after my work, i waited for her to pick her up since is on the way home together.. we have a quarrel.. she doesn't wanted to see me at all.. I have been very happy since last night till this morning.. yet everything ended up seems to be a dream.. it ended badly.. she was pissed with me.. i admit i force my way to try my luck to pick her up.. i am sorry.. i just wish we could return to the past.. I finally realise why you are leaving.. not because there isn't love.. it is because you are blaming yourself for what had happened and result you don't wish to commit to me as you feel you have let me down..

the days i cried myself to sleep and the days i wake up finding myself in tears...
the days of being a walking zombie and not knowing what i can do in life...
Since that is the case, then start take pride in yourself and in us.. after all, what have happen have happened for a cause, and it is already in the past.. whether are you worthy of my love is for me to decide, not you.. if i choose to love you, which means you possess certain points and value that makes me love you.. which relationship have not been through up and down?

I never blame you but i feel is a lesson learnt.. everyone make mistakes.. nobody is perfect.. me too.. i am not perfect as well.. that is why i need you to make me feel perfect.. i feel a quarrel is good as it allow us to understand each other better.. A good relationship is like shaping a sailor.. a great sailor is never forge on calm sea... but thunder storm and waves craft a great sailor.. wonder if you still remember i once said there something in you which others doesn't have? It is your inner beauty.. A looks can last up to 30 or 40 years.. but inner beauty last forever.. That is also the reason why i wanted to hold on to it.. and willing to wait for you a life time..

也许童话故事是编给那一些不幸又不快乐的人，自欺欺人的安慰。。。
然而，奇迹是给那些天真的人，相信希望的存在。。。

230707

Love is not a decision, but a feeling..
Love is about mutual love, unconditional love..

Meet her today after work.. she first words to me is that i smell nice.. at least my effort didn't go to waste.. we head to bugis since she intend to take her skirt.. we have dinner there, duck rice.. as she commented that she is very hungry.. when we are crossing the road to the kopitiam, i hold her hand.. after crossing the road, she pull it away.. after dinner, we head back to bugis junction again by crossing the same road.. she stand slightly far away.. but i walk up to her and held up her hand to cross the road..

After getting her skirt, i help her to carry the shopping bag.. she say is fine and wanted to carry herself.. i said, if you want to carry.. carry my hand.. and i put my hand on hers.. she look at me and i can tell that she doesn't want me to do that.. But i still insist holding her hand.. While heading back home, it started to rain and she is feeling cold.. therefore, i pass her my sweater.. and i asked her to take a nap since it is a jam on ECP. i quietly put the ring into her bag.. she feel abit warm at this point of time and remove the sweater.. i turn on the aircon and she felt cold again.. she cover with sweater again.. but this time, she held my hand tight and fall asleep.. i felt love and warm.. when we are reaching her place, she asked if i am cold.. and i replied that i'm not as she is there to warm my heart.. I feel that there still love in her for me.. I so happy..

After parking my car, we chat awhile in the car.. we kissed.. passion kisses.. i really miss her badly.. and she back into my arms.. my heart is completely heal at this point of time.. but i'm wrong.. totally wrong.. she not.. after sending her up.. she say she not yet return to me.. and asked me not to waited for her.. but i told her i will wait no matter how long.. she replied that it might take years.. I told her i don't mind waiting so long she return to me.. I asked her does it mean anything to her whatever that happened in the car.. she say it means something but she just doesn't want love anymore.. my heart break again.. she found the ring and intend to return to me.. I done so much for her yet this is all i got..

230707 afternoon

Rush home just to blog.. since i got enough time to make it back.. morning call her this morning and she picked up.. i'm so happy.. and the conversation we had is so sweet to me.. if only i recorded it..

Just got a news from Scott that he is going to ROM tomorrow.. and his wedding dinner is in November 24, Saturday.. So envy for him.. how i wish i got such life like him.. but i don't.. i'm no attached anymore.. i don't dare to pin any hopes anymore.. i doesn't want to try again.. is so tiring, so hurting.. that is why i rather choose to leave.. time is running out soon for me.. i doesn't know how to face my family and my close friends.. Since you have let me go.. release me to heaven.. i will be happier over there..

230707 morning

Read from Andy's blog and is really about me as well..

Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical.

1. Love the man who gave you the ring, it really shows how much he loves you.

2. Don't ever hurt the one who loves you deeply, even if he is been bored and dull.

3. Don't take his kindness and patience for granted, he is there because he choses to.

After all, not only ladies has choices, same goes to man. Ladies need more time to doll, man decided to wait for her. So is it natural for things to turn out this way? i think might not be, it depends. Just remember to treasure one another more when we still can, regret is painful at times.

你说的话我都相信
说得好听说得甜蜜
你说的每一句我都相信
为了爱情失了聪明
听你的话闭上眼睛
这个梦多美丽让它继续

你说的话总那么好听
你爱不爱我不能确定
也许你只把他当游戏
我却爱得太用力





当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
一辈子有多少的来不及
发现已经失去
最重要的东西
恍然大悟早已远去
为何总是在犯错之后
才肯相信错的是自己
他们说这就是人生
试著体会试著忍住眼泪
还是躲不开应该有的情绪
我不会奢求世界停止转动
我知道逃避一点都没有用
只是这段时间里尤其在夜里
还是会想起难忘的事情
我想我的思念是一种病
久久不能痊愈
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸
却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息
汲汲营营
忘记身边的人需要爱和关心
藉口总是拉远了距离
不知不觉无声无息
我们总是在抱怨事与愿违
却不愿意回头看看自己
想想自己到底做了甚黱蠢事情
也许是上帝给我一个试炼
只是这伤口需要花点时间
只是会想念过去的一切
那些人事物会离我远去
而我们终究也会远离变成回忆
oh 思念是一种病
oh 思念是一种病一种病
多久没有说我爱你
多久没有拥抱你所爱的人
当这个世界不在那黱美好
只有爱可以让他更好
我相信一切都来得及
别管那些纷纷扰扰
别让不开心的事停下了脚步
就怕你不说就怕你不做
别让遗憾继续一切都来得及

220707

Went back to Suntec to buy my adapter for my keyboard with Anthony.. Seeing couples on the street, i can't help but to think of the happy moment we once had.. the things we done, the stuffs we enjoy and say in the past.. deep down, it just break my heart.. After which, we head to Kallang Macdonal to have our dinner.. We head back straight after we are done.. and this point of time, is playing 珊瑚海 on his player..
毁坏的沙雕如何重来
有裂痕的爱怎么重盖
只是一切结束太快
你说你无法释怀
it remind me of her again, when she once love this song alot and always sing during KTV.. i sing with my heart out crying for her.. in fact we did messages each other today, but to her is as a friend only.. once i got home, i asked if i could call her to let her listen how far my progress in piano is.. she commented that i played like pro.. but i know i'm not.. while listen to her voice.. her tone towards me had already changed.. i can't feel anything in it anymore.. is simply just like a normal friend.. i feel disappointed.. the sky have been crying for me again.. i stand in the rain so that nobody know i'm tearing.. I don't need any pity or care from anybody.. So just leave me alone! All I just want is your love back..

I was once a quiet, negative and stubborn person.. is she who had make me a noisy, positive and humble person.. but now i'm back to my old self again.. I will fulfill all my promises to you even if we are now no longer together..

终于明白你以变成回忆，没有言语能够说明当他们问起。想埋伏在街头的某种气息，无意间经过，把往日笑与泪勾起。突然心痛的无法再压抑，原来我从未忘记过你。。

For my love, Kelly

日子一天一天的過去。。時間一分一妙的過去。。眼淚也已經留干了。。我的視覺也開始模糊。。曾經有的笑容不見了。。心也一分一妙的在痛。。沒你的日子不習慣。。經過了那麼多事情。。心還是痛痛的。。認了那麼久。。到最後。。心還碎了。。問我自己。。我的心。。該不該哭。。心跟我說。。哭吧 ! 這樣我會覺得比較好過。。不會那麼痛。。在人海中。。迷路的我。。經過了那麼多的陌生人。。看一看。。到底誰才是那個會陪我走完人身。。當我和你错身而过的瞬间。。我們又錯過了一次機會。。會不會就是你。。我看著天空。。問了上天。。我和你。。何時才會在挂身而过。。緣份說來就來。。誰都不能抵擋。。緣份走了。。只會留下永遠的痛和傷。。我真的好想要你陪著我。。可是我害怕。。害怕緣份不留情。。在我們決定要失守一輩子的時候。。緣份到此而別。。愛是什麼。。有誰會知道愛是個毒品。。不管是選擇了被愛或首愛。。到最後心還是會碎的。。傷痕還是留在回憶。。我不想在等另一個奇跡出現了。。在也不需要別人來彌補了。。可是。。。。到最後。。心還是碎了。。好痛。。好痛。。

Ten pointers for whoever taking care of Kelly:
1. Be patient, if she show her anger.. she don't mean it, you have to please her, hoax her, talk to her in a understanding tone, tell her that thats not the way. By showing her your temper won't works. It just won't get any better.

2. Be prepared to sacrifice, you might not get what you want but she must get what she want. Do not show empty promises. Always do it her way and don't worry, she know her limits.

3. She wants her freedom, so do not refrain her from doing anything like going out with friends or maybe just guys alone. Don't get jealous too easily, she won't flirt with them.

4. She like to eat chilli crabs from No signboard. Though expensive but do save and spend some to reward her. She like to eat ban mei and chicky rice. Ban mei never cook too long and never have seaweed in it.. Chicky rice only white breast meat.. You can find it at her coffee shop below..

5. Do not make her think alot. Do not make your problem her problem but her problem is your problem. Do not stress her or pressure her cause things just went wrong and you have lot of mess to clear up.

6. She loved to be pampered. Kiss her before you went out or go to work. Hug her when you come back home. Hug her to sleep. She is scared of ghosts. Hug her tight when watching scary ghosts movies. Dote her and treat her like a princess.

7. Do not use physical violent even when you are angry. Ask her nicely. She may lied to you in the first place but understand why she do so cause it might be for your own good.

8. You must not be useless. You must not show her that you can't provide her. You must work really hard for her, to show her you can have future and give her happiness. She would like a grand marriage in the garden with the most attractive grown. She want to have a wedding planner as well. Propose her with a diamond ring. At least reasonable of 0.35 carat and above but don't be stingy. She expect you to pay for it, you will be glad if she willing to chip in.

9. Do not be selfish. Think about her before you do anything. Alway put her first even though her friends are more important. Do not expect she will do the same but give in more to her. Do not chat with other girls, play with them like she is transparent.

10. Lastly, u MUST LOVE HER more than she does. Love her as if she is the only gal in your life.
She will be yours.. i love u!

叶子的离开。。。
是因为。。。
风的追求。。。
還是树的疏忽。。。

210707

Woke up early in the morning.. in fact, i didn't really sleep much as i couldn't really sleep nor eat.. it have been this way the past few days.. weird things is i doesn't feel tired at all.. but rather my mind is very active with her in it.. rush to buy my new keyboard which cost 400++ before heading to work.. well, during the whole day at work.. my mind is still all about her.. almost a week or perhaps i can say is a week.. since Sunday till now.. wanted so much to hear from her.. to hold and hug her.. to look at her one more time in her eyes.. but i know it won't be coming true.. she doesn't love me.. not to mention of missing me.. she did told me she happy with her life.. i keep remind myself not to message her, not to call her.. but every time i took out my phone from my pocket, i will wanted so much to contact her.. but i tried to distract myself to look through the messages she sent.. the pictures we took.. and the two favourite video clip of us.. only by doing it.. will somehow buy more time.. by the time i'm done and free to message her, i have new things on my hands for work again.. she will know how i feel now if she read my blog but i guess she won't, as she busy keeping company with Mike.. I really miss her badly.. I treated her like my wife.. pamper her, love her but ended up she lost the feeling for me.. Have i done not enough for her? I just wish to have one more chance to share her joys and sorrows not as a friend but as a lover.. but i can't let her know as she will be feeling irritate.. time will let her feeling fade away faster.. but for me, it will make me love her even more.. looking at couples on the street or in the car.. i feel so envy for them.. If there is a better gal out there for me.. it will only be her.. In fact, through this relationship, she had let me tasted truth love.. truth love doesn't end when a relationship ended.. it will be the beginning of it. I will wait for her return.. even if it take my whole life waiting.. even if she doesn't love me.. even if she found someone new.. till the day is too much to bear.. i'll just collapse. Below is a poem i wrote... weather is cold today.. hope she didn't catch a cold..

MY
My hands are empty.. My soul is lonely..
My love is gone.. My heart is shattered.

My mind is blank.. My feeling is numb..
My tears dried up.. My world had stopped.

But time doesn't stop, the world keep moving..
People won't bother, nobody will care..

Memories will stay, my love will too..
Till my last breath, I will just keep waiting for you..

200707

Bad day, bad week.. a very bad year indeed.. well, i was caught having a weapon with me early this year.. next she broke up with me.. and today, my grandma got into a car accident.. the car was badly damage.. lucky she have seat belt on, if not i can't imagine the worse.. she was sent to hospital.. I rush over after my work.. she was in pain yet there nothing i can do.. looking at my mum.. i know how worried she is.. we stay till almost 10pm before we head back home..

Once i reached home, i have a quick bath and out with Anthony and Rachel to chill out.. Thanks them for accompany me.. I doesn't know what is on my mind.. it just went blank when i'm driving.. ended up driving recklessly.. Both of them know how sad i am.. bad event happened one after another.. i couldn't smile at all.. in daze most of the time.. in fact, my mind is all about her.. guess where i chill out.. is the place where me and her first met.. boat quey.. I can remember clearly that she was waiting for me after her work, and we headed to TCC for a quick bite before chilling out at chamber 82.. That is where i had fall head over heels for her.. I consider it love at first sight.. it was in december '05. That very place.. every details which happened that day, was always on my mind till today..

I had decided to get myself a keyboard.. I wanted to learn how to play it and one day, i want to play it for her.. mean time.. i'm still carry on learning my guiter.. it was totally rusty.. i had forgotten all my chords as well.. my task for this life will be done once i had completed playing a full song for her..

190707

Today is our anniversary yet i'm spending it all alone.. driving alone myself to the places we used to be.. thinking of the sweet past memories we used to have.. 16 months and 26 days of beautiful relationship gone in just a blink of eyes.. i tears again.. such a weak guy.. perhaps i'm too sentimental.. worse is that i'm a coward.. yes, call me foolish, call me silly.. i did tried to commit suicide but i fail.. i cut myself.. yet in the end, i bandage myself back.. i didn't cut myself deep.. it hurt not just to the flesh but to my heart as well.. at that point of time, i have lost everything, the world is in total darkness after she firmly doesn't bother me anymore.. she feel irritated by me.. but i doesn't know why i will react this way by keep disturbing her.. i just doesn't feel like living for another day.. can someone help me to end my life? Since she won't return, my waiting for her return is pointless.. not saying i'm giving up on her but rather, i had already decided to give up my life.. like what she had did.. giving me up.. perhaps, i shall get drunk one more time to get my courage to do it.. but before i do, i shall settle my things before i gone forever..

It is not how many years you have in your life..
But is how many lifes you have in your years..

180707

In few hours time is our anniversary.. very surprise to receive my ex-gf messages in the morning asking me to be strong.. today, i off work early.. reached her workplace at 4pm.. wanting to pass her the gift.. at 1830, she said to meet up.. we met.. my tears flow the moment i saw her, i miss her badly.. i saw love in her eyes but she just doesn't want to show it.. i pass her the gift i made.. 512 hearts from bus tickets represented the day we start till the day we part and photos of us.. as well as the ring i brought.. but she told me to take back the ring.. i asked her if she want to take back kiki and binbin.. she say she will give it to me.. my tears flow again.. i hold her hand and hug her.. but she pull it away.. she said she don't love me anymore.. my heart break once last time..

When i came back home, i told my mum about our relationship.. she said she very worried about me as she had noticed i had never been happy ever since i left soka.. she cried while she saying this.. i feel very bad.. i cried as well.. nobody understand the stress i'm going through.. is not just only about relationship but my career, friends and etc.. my mum say i had already fall into depression.. i somehow do agree.. asking me to see a shrink.. but i rejected it as i doesn't want to spend anymore of her money.. she say she have enough but i told her to save it for her retirement.. is not for me..

I actually thought of giving up my life.. but looking at my mum like that, it breaks my heart to see her get sad and cried over me.. I doesn't know how to smile anymore.. Edwin is now dead.

180707 morning..

Final message from her.. she asked me to take care of myself and thanks me for the past 16 months of happiness she ever have.. asking me to give her up.. saying she don't worth my love.. said she once loved me and don't wish to see me like this and ask me to promise her to live a meaningful life.. said she want to be alone and not love by someone.. my heart is crying loud.. why since i the one who had give her the most happiest moment and she want to let it go? she may feel she dun worth me.. but i never cross my mind about it.. she worth every bits of my love.. If she don't wish me to be like this, why will she want to hurt me this way?

it seems like i have to let her go.. i just feel like jumping into the sea and be drown.. simply just end my life.. i really see no purpose in life anymore.. i am not stupid by doing it.. but i really don't see my future without her.. If life means to be alone.. why do we need a partner in life? To be frank, i spend up all nights ever since we break up, without meals perhaps only dinner and now falling sick doing her a gift.. our 17 months annversary gift.. I also spend all my saving, efforts and time to search for the things that i need for the gift... but she said she doesn't want anything from me.. it break my heart and all that i had done seem to went down the drain.. i never ask much from her.. just a simple care and concern and love for me..

She firmly doesn't want this relationship anymore.. i give myself 1000 days to prove that i will wait for her.. this 1000 days end, my life end.. i'm sorry for my family and friends.. i have let them down.. this is my retribution.. i once cause a couple to break up but they got married in the end.. now my relationship break up.. but it won't get back anymore...

170707

Back to work.. woke up very early as i couldn't really sleep at all.. i guess the most only 3 hours.. when i reached my work place.. i vomited water and having diarrhoea.. feeling giddiness as well.. i guess is because i didn't really ate much since she left.. Last night i forced myself to finish the chicken rice as i got no appetite.. white chicken breast meat.. one of her favourite food.. with her favourite drink, barly.. my heart is crying while i'm eating.. i totally can't focus in my work today.. all in my mind is her.. every second past is every moment of her in my mind.. i cried once again.. i miss her badly.. really hope she will return soon to me.. you are the only one i love deeply.. you will be my last woman in my life..

Guess what my dad brought me for dinner?? Chicken rice.. white chicken breast meat.. i can't imagine he buy that for my dinner.. yet i still ate it.. with tears..

160707 monday blue

After i reached back home from my car servicing, i decided to have a hair cut while waiting for her for lunch.. in the end, i got my hair cut but i never had my lunch.. i waiting for her for 3 hours till she reply me that she doesn't want to have lunch with me at all and ask me to stop messaging and irritate her if i still want to be her friend.. i have no choice but to leave her work place without my lunch since she said until like i'm a sore in her eyes.. no mood to eat either.. tears flowing while i'm driving.. i know she had let me down.. but is a lesson learnt.. just don't repeat the same mistake will be fine.. do we really need to walk till this stage?? she totally turn cold toward me.. ingoring my messages and calls.. my heart is dead.. i'm just like a living zombie with no feeling at all.. only hoping she can make my heart alive once again.. i'm praying for her return..

If the day come for me to leave.. i don't wish you to live your life in regret but rather in total happiness as i once bring you joys and happiness.. I was once your angel who shower you with warm love and care.. soon it will be time for this angel to return to heaven.. I was once your fireworks.. which bring you the happiest moment in your life though it lasted for a few second.. Once i'm gone, please look up to the sky and smile when there are fireworks.. I'll be there bringing you happiness..

160707

3 more days to our anniversary.. i cried.. once again.. seems so useless.. can't even win back my own gal.. woke up at 0755 just to morning call her.. and rush down to her place hoping to fetch her to work.. but her dad is there.. and he is fetching her.. so in the end, after having breakfast with her and her dad.. as her dad still have no idea that we broke up.. i head to do servicing for my car.. during the servicing, we chat through sms.. and she firmly want to have a clean break.. she is tired of commiment.. asking me not to look for her anymore and leave her alone.. my heart is been stabbed when i heard this.. i really tried to ask her back.. but i guess her feeling is not there.. why she so cruel to dump this beautiful relationship? Everything is so perfect.. why just can't we hold on to it? Since she tired.. just have a short rest before we continue.. but she insist to break up.. i holding on because i saw something beautiful in this relationship.. that why i want to have it.. it is not something that you can find in anybody.. but only you, Kelly.

You know something? I keep all the messages that you have send me ever since we are together.. everytime when i'm alone, i will look through our photos and the messages you had sent.. but now i guess is only one-sided love.. never expect you will be so heartless the next moment.. if i knew this going to happen, i will not tell you about the nightmare i have.. i will rather i'm the one suffering than letting the both of us suffer.. Nobody will be happy about the break up.. other than he who is wooing you.. i did everything you want.. i give in everything to you.. all i need is you in my arms.. my door will only be open for you and you alone.. I want to thanks you for bring me the happiest moment in my life.. because of you, i found meaning in life.. now that you are gone.. i lost the meaning to live..

150707 after drunk..

i cried.. i got drunk.. i realise nobody.. really nobody can replace her in my heart.. she mean the world to me.. when she say i am not the one in the end.. i know i had lost.. what have i done to deserve all this? i simply feel like ending my life.. no point for me to live on.. i know u guys will say there better gals out there.. she doesn't worth my love.. no point ending my life for her.. don't be silly.. but to me.. she everything.. she worth my every bits of love.. she the one i only want to be with.. no matter how good the other gals might be.. i will only love her and just her alone.. my life exist because of her.. now that she gone.. my life is gone too...

150707

4 more days will be our anniversary but she choose to leave today.. she left. Her heart no longer have me.. there is a 3rd party involved.. It really break my heart when i have a nightmare last night that she out with that guy.. when i told her about it.. her expression is different from usual.. that is when i realise that is not a nightmare but is real.. couldn't believe what i had heard.. she asked me what she do will make me leave but i asked her if she will be happier if i let her go.. and she say yes.. she also mention that i too good for her.. my heart sink.. my goals and dreams is shattered.. my life is empty now. No sense of direction anymore.. Why since i'm good and they doesn't want to grab me? I tried holding her back but she ignore me totally.. Yet, i will say the same.. i will wait for you no matter what.. i will love you till my last breath.. forever loving..

For whoever going to take care of her, please give her more time to do her things.. she love to drink like sprite, green tea and barly.. she like to eat chilli crab, chicky rice.. but only white chicken breast meat.. and ban mei but ban mei without seaweed and not cook too long.. durain but only as a fruit.. she got no patience to teach.. she like cats.. she love shopping and buying shoes and clothes from Guess, Zara, Mango, Aldo, Heatwave, VnC.. Movies not really for her.. she like to rub her eyes too much in the night, try stop her doing it. she used to have flu every night, make sure tissue is by her side.. she always drink water before she sleep.. make sure is ready for her.. cover her with blanket to prevent her catcing cold..

080707

Busy for the past few days, didn't even have a good rest.. well, alot of comments for yesterday NDP rehearsal performance.. Everyone is impress with the parade portion as it is something new and fresh.. but most of the people are disappointed with the show performance.. as it is kinda boring when watching.. that is something that they have to buck up..

Watching the fireworks without her, in my mind thinking.. "I want to be her fireworks, thought it may last for a moment but it will bring her the most happiest moment in her life". Surprisingly, my mum and aunt is there to watch the rehearsal as well, have a good chat over the dinner at bedok.. Time changed, people changed.. i do change.. i realise i no longer a child anymore as my aunt is asking me when is my turn to get marry.. this is my first time hearing this question, which means time is ripe for me to settle down..

010707

Well, having some issue with my previous blog as Yvonne think i copy her.. That is not my intention. For that, i'm sincerely sorry about it. I don't hate you or whatever you had say. Still hoping friends to be.. I will not remove it as it is really something meaningful that yvonne have wrote.. and i really want to share this.. I wish this able to clear the dark clouds away.