Is a friday.. is her mum's birthday.. yet i was no longer in the picture.. i unable to be there to celebrate anymore.. i am nobody to them anymore.. the least i can do is only to drop a sms to her mum and that it..
Went drinking again.. with TC, Phil, Grace, Jane, Andy and Anthony.. Everyone keep saying i behave differently today.. but i myself doesn't even understand why.. Slowly.. one by one left.. and i left the place at 1am.. yet i went back alone again.. soon Phil join me after sending his girlfriend home.. at the same time, Pei Shan's grandfather just passed away..
Nelson have the same situation with me in relationship.. he was sad and high i would said.. he fucked me.. is a good scolding for me.. He treat me as a friend.. and willing to scold me.. 4am.. we leave.. heading back home.. in fact, i was tearing on the way home.. heart is aching..
i manage to doze off at 5am plus as i seriously lack of sleep.. but ended up woke up at 6am.. due to the same dream i have the past few days.. i tried to sleep again despite how hurting the dream is.. and manage to doze off again.. but i woke up again at 8am.. same things happened again.. i dare not sleep even if how much i wanted to.. how much i really wish to sleep.. sleeping used to be my favourite hobby.. now.. i only sleep the most 4 hours a day..
My life have been screwed up.. I wasn't happy with where i am standing now.. i really want to see her again and hug her tight.. but i know is impossible.. there no turning back now.. Nelson is right.. i have no right to be sad for he is in a much worse situation compare to me.. he added.. can i live without woman..? i asked myself.. yes.. why not.. since i already have no intention to find anybody else.. my eyes are bloodshot.. i want to sleep.. but i just can't..