290807

Sorry folks, it been a long time since i last blog.. currently too busy and tired to write my blog.. work till 10pm plus today.. meet her for supper and head back home.. eyes can't help but keep closing.. shoulder and back aching.. i started slowly to miss my ride.. lucky i manage to catch a glimpse of it today and the workshop told me it will be done on Friday.. Yeah! two more days for me to take public transport.. a little sick of it.. lucky my PSP is there to keep me accompany.. alright, that all for the day.. need a good rest for another long day..

260807

Have lunch with her.. follow by heading to Taka for shopping.. that is where he saw us.. well, we carry on our shopping but we didn't stay long as she wasn't feeling well.. therefore, we head back to her place so she can rest well.. when she feel better, we head out for "dead silence".. not a good show to me.. as it wasn't scary at all.. perhaps i enjoy too much on the popcorn as well as covering her eyes.. haha.. Ratatouille will be our next movie.. well, tomorrow got to wake up early again.. hate it when the management had such a poor planning..There is an old ghost story in the sleepy town of Ravens Fair about Mary Shaw, a ventriloquist who went mad. Accused of the murder of a young boy, she was hunted down by vengeful townspeople who cut out her tongue and killed her. They buried her along with her "children," a hand-made collection of vaudeville dolls. Since that time, Ravens Fair has been plagued by mysterious deaths. The ghastly dolls from Mary Shaw's collection are missing from the grave.

230807

Finally, my car issue is settle.. and will be done by next week.. hope they do a good job.. Anthony is quite unlucky as he just got back his ride on tuesday, yet today he got into another accident.. i can only count him as Suay (unlucky)..

Well, take MRT today, finally able to play my PSP while travelling.. haha.. never sat in MRT for so many years and yes.. i am spoil.. not used to squeeze with people and rushing to hop on.. there are pros and cons to it.. pros is i able to spend more time with her.. cons is i unable to each my place fast and quite troublesome.. When meeting her, we board on the bus together.. chatting and holding her hands.. is a great feeling..

Her mum had a fall in the noon, therefore, we rush back home to take care of her.. she cook maggie mee for me as dinner.. it maybe something simple and cheap.. but is her efforts that count.. Just got back home not too long ago as we decided to send her mum to hospital.. hope she recover soon..

220807

After work, went to pick her up to have the 7th month dinner with her grandma and uncles.. foods is bad, service is bad.. but company is good.. she is there beside me.. we are quite intimate till her sis can't really stand us.. but is fun looking at people bidding for the stuffs.. kind of my virgin attempt.. after which, i hurry send them home as i rush to pick my brother up from airport.. i have to return to the days where i doesn't have a transport.. not really used to it.. but she seems to be happy about it.. saying is cool to take public transport.. but i having a little hard time to figure what bus to take to my destination.. it been more than 3 years ever since i take public transport alone..

210807

Just back from Thailand and have to settle my car issue.. see how badly damage it is.. poor gal.. Well, regarding to my thailand trip, i shall blog later after my car issue is settle.. send her to work in the morning.. so happy to see her again.. miss her so much to the extend that my whole trip keep thinking about her.. guess my hp bills is going to fly high.. After sending her to work, i went to CGH for x-ray for my kidney.. follow by to my workshop to settle the documents.. I pick her up once she off work and we head back to my place to have dinner together.. we watch television with her in my arms.. the feeling is great..

150807

Drag myself to work.. as it have been three days without seeing her.. no mood to do anything either.. in fact, i somehow master the trick of playing the cube.. during the noon, i went to but 4D and it was so close to win the 2nd prize.. darnz! Work late again.. suppose to meet philbert for drinking session.. when i head to town, his handphone is low battery.. and went dead after i tried contacting him.. ended unable to know where he is, in result, i head back home.. three more days, she will be back and i will be flying off.. worse is that day is suppose to be our 18th month anniversary.. and we unable to spend it together.. low morale for the day.. having headache during work..

140807

Morning went for IMT.. woke up early as usual as i unable to sleep much without her present.. Just reached home not too long ago.. from work.. suppose to meet Andy for movie but due to work have to cancel it.. after which, thinking able to go off at around 10pm.. therefore, arrange with philbert for drinking session but end up cancel again.. while driving home, i chat with her.. the feeling is great to hear from someone you love..

When someone is in your heart, they're never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times.

There are times that you fight, and sometimes both of you won't even like each other. But those are the times you have to love your relationship. Look at your photos. Look at any memories you've made. And if you believe in those memories, they will pull you back together.

130807 night

Just chat with her.. to know more about her time spent over there.. and how she been doing there.. she is enjoying herself.. that good for her.. well, i am down with flu and not yet recover from my leg injury.. finally clean my cupboard.. She will be happy to see it when she back.. it is a promise i made to her.. one more week to see her.. i'm so happy to see her last message that she miss me before she went offline..

Love is not about finding someone perfect. ~ It's about loving an imperfect person perfectly.

Love comes to you most unexpectedly. To grab it or not, you will have to depend on yourself. Cause only you, will know happiness is here when you see it..

130807

Head to work early in the morning.. finally able to settle most of my work.. she called me in the morning.. while on the way to airport as well as in the transit.. so glad to hear her voice before she fly off.. miss her badly.. i guess she too.. till now not yet heard from her yet.. kind of worry.. hope she reached safely..

120807

Spent the whole day at home.. till evening, she asked me for dinner.. and we head out.. to Geylang to eat her favourite chilli crab.. a treat on her as she said i had spent alot yesterday.. a dinner for our 18th month anniversary in advance.. haha.. i know you guys will start thinking that we guys are back together.. Answer.. no! but we like each other company.. yes, we do look like couple on the street.. but status.. we are not..

After dinner, we went to buy durian home.. Enjoy the durian session with her.. but somehow the uncle who sell us is bad.. give us some bad durian.. we were so full that we slack on the bed together.. while she is chatting with him on the phone.. After which, i send her home.. and she apply cream for me as i cut myself.. She is flying tomorrow.. wishing her Bon voyage! Shall see you when you back..

120807

Today is a Sunday.. a family day.. but i'm all alone.. home alone.. It has been a month since she left me alone here.. and that guy is making a closer move to her.. by message and call her everyday, every moments.. After last night.. i realise i got insomnia.. my mind is just about her.. i tried my best to give her everything she want but yet she is not satisfy.. she still thinking the grass is greener on the other side.. For love, i give up alot of things.. but that doesn't include you.. All i wanted to say is follow your heart to find your love.. i'm tired now... i know deep down inside you won't come back to me anymore.. i don't pin any hopes anymore.. i just take whatever you give.. i don't ask anything from you either.. for i'm totally disappointed.. not in you.. but myself.. my heart had sank till it reach the floor of seabed.. Let my body and soul sink one day too.. If love still in the air, let me smell it.. if love can be touch.. let it touch my heart.. i'm still waiting.. for i once told you that the day i will stop loving you is the day i had my last breathe..

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Till the end of time forever
You're the only love I'll need..

In my life you're all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me..

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you..

Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day, I'd be afraid
Without you there to see me through..

Imagine me without you
You know it's just impossible
Because of you, it's all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can't imagine me without you..

When you caught me I was falling
Your love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard me calling
And you rush to set me free..

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you..

I can't imagine me without you..

110807

Yesterday night went to Cozy Bay with Jac and Melyvin.. Have a good chat and chill out.. After the drinking session, I sent Jac back first.. while on the way sending Mel.. he suggested to have supper together.. and yes we did.. Supper at Bishan for Kueh Chap.. Nice knowing him..

Suppose to have Lemongrass for lunch with her and her dad.. but ended up slept till 3pm.. when we reach there, it is closed for their rest time.. in the end, we have secret recipe for lunch.. Head to town with her for shopping.. but didn't really get anything much.. but this time round, we have dinner at Lemongrass.. I was once a crazy chilli lover.. to the extend that nobody dare to challenge me.. but one day, i just stop.. till this day, i simply doesn't know how to take chilli again.. I feel like a loser.. as all the dishes we order are spicy but i couldn't enjoy it.. I just keep drinking water non-stop..

There one thing that i am proud of myself, which is i didn't lighted up a single stick as the whole day with her.. i told myself, so long she with me, i will not smoke..

After sending her home, she play a CD which is from him.. and she said that is for me.. we sing duet song together in the car.. after the song ended, i asked her if she want to be my Juliet.. but she say she want to be my Zhu Yi Tai.. I was so happy.. we chat alot in the car.. to the extend a couple is.. but i was wrong again.. i misunderstood her.. when i reached home, i message her and thanks her for returning into my arms.. she call me back immediate and told me she is happy with the way we are.. she say no point having the status if the action doesn't last..

What past is past.. What over is over.. How long will it take to wait for a person you Love? How long will it take to forget a person? How long will you miss a person? There is simply no answer to all this questions.. but so long i'm breathing, i will wait.. i will love and miss her.. i won't forget her.. i won't give her up.. she is my life.. she is my oxygen.. she the reason why i'm living.. How do i live without you..

100807

Finally.. NDP'07 is finally over.. at last, i got my Saturday by myself.. yup.. myself.. alone.. my feeling is getting bad to worse.. How i wish all this never happened.. and we are still able to be together.. i tried to salvage it but seems to make it worse.. she is leaving on Mon.. and i unable to send her off.. feel so sad about it..

Think of it in a logical way, asked myself this question.. imagine both of us got married and 5 yrs down the road.. is she the wife i want? is she the person i want to spend my life with no regrets? My answer is "Yes!" without a second thoughts.. but the next question is.. put myself in her shoes.. with the same question.. my mind went blank.. i doesn't know how to answer this question anymore.. Am i the one for her? before we broke off, i dare to say yes.. now.. i don't dare to think about it..

For me, is hard to fall in love.. but once i did.. it will be very deep.. it will be hard for me to let go.. I had never love someone so deeply before.. that is why i wanted to continue loving her.. is fate that bring us together.. fate have been there all this while.. that why i still on your mind and you still always on my too.. sorry about the things i had done to piss you off and make you mad.. i promise this will be the last time.. i will never let you be mad with me again..

030807 - 050807

Friday, meet up with Philbert and David.. my two best friends since secondary school.. We are close to each other like brothers.. we had dinner at Sakae Sushi, followed by drinking session again at Liquid Gold.. We hardly seen each other.. perhaps once a few months.. therefore, we always update each other whenever we met up.. They know about my break up.. and david asking me to move on and find a new one.. to me, finding a new gal is like finding someone to replace her.. is unfair to everyone..

This is a very good article. read it. Those who are still single may learn something from here.. Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage..

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love. Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling .

Yesterday is a boring Saturday, there are laughter and joys for them.. but not for me.. as my mind is full of her.. yet i can't show it to anybody.. Went to pick her up after her work and realised that he is there too..

Today, we head out for chicky rice.. intend to have a game of pool at Parkway but is full house, therefore, we went shopping at Parkway parade instead.. As we about to leave, i told her i never try Auntie Anne before, so she got one for me to try..a virgin bite.. it is great.. and even better when is her feeding me.. Our craving for Secret Recipe is strong, so we drive down to Vivo and have our so call dinner there by ordering two slices of cakes.. I got new clothes and is chosen by her.. new cool looks! After trying out, i only realise i didn't zip my jeans after we had our cakes.. Damm! She quickly cover me and i zipped it up fast.. Hope nobody saw it.. My mum is on her way back from Indonesia and we picked her up.. things changed.. she feel weird and kind of out of place after she know my mum knew about the break up.. they didn't really talk much during the journey..

020807 night

Just back home from chilling out with Philbert.. nice cool place.. will upload the picture when i free.. i sang alot of love songs, actually is for her.. but she isn't there, she went to Linna brithday party at Double O.. hope she does enjoy herself.. The whole pub only got two customer.. which is philbert and me till 11pm, crowd started walking in.. He have a fun time talking and drinking with the waitress while me.. singing all by myself.. cause i couldn't get her off my mind.. but i didn't mention anything to him too..

020807 evening

Some many people unable to find the right partner for themselves.. ended up touring in a circle and back to square one again.. Some met jerks, flirts or players.. yet some met a nice guy.. Therefore, always treasure what you have.. and don't start to regret it when you have lose it..

Love is not for beauty/color of the skin but for a heart that's loyal within;
for beauty fades and the skin would grow old;
However, a heart that's loyal will never turn cold.

- Best to wait for the one you want rather than settle for the one available.
- Best to wait for the one you love rather than the one who's around.
- Best to wait for the right one... cause life's too short to be wasted on just someone.

020807

Today is my off day, yet i spent it all alone.. didn't have my lunch, not even to mention breakfast.. lying on the bed, thinking of all the past memories that i once share with her.. the sad and the happy moments..

Chat with Kawara on msn.. and he mentioned that he told her is her fault and she admit.. I don't blame her as she is still young and doesn't want to be tight down yet.. which led to our break up.. it just hurt me when the thoughts of her in the future will be having another guy to be there for her instead of me..

I had learned how to play "Fur Elise".. and now "Canon".. soon i want to learn "Right here waiting".. which is the song i want to play for her.. to be frank, my heart hurt till i doesn't know what is pain anymore.. just saw a few injuries on my legs.. and i have no idea how i got them.. she mention yesterday asking me again not to wait for her as she won't return.. i know how much i tried or do will never touch her heart anymore..

7 more years to go.. will be end of my career.. that will be my starting point to roam the world.. Alone.. Every places i go, i will keep a bottle of sand from that place for you.. Yes, you won't be there for me anymore.. but i just want you to know what true love means.. is not something that give up easily.. For that, i had already decided to be single unless you return one day.. There will only be one true love.. there will only be one gal to be my wife.. If that person is not you, it won't be anybody else.. Just like the ring only means for you..

010807

Feeling hungry.. feeling cold.. didn't have my dinner at all.. no mood to eat.. feeling very down.. we somehow quarrel again over the phone.. she is pissed with me.. she is sick and tired of repeating herself.. now, i can't even write my thoughts down.. as she will be unhappy and pissed with me again if i wrote some unpleasant stuffs in or things that involve her.. for there are quite a number of people reading my blogs.. i'm such a wimp.. being a guy with no pride.. no ego.. for love, i have already given them up.. do you really think i love to cry? my tears simply just flow.. cause my heart hurt so badly.. this is the worst heartbreak i ever have.. My tears doesn't flow just for anybody.. i am not a crying baby at all.. my whole life, my tears only dropped for two people.. one of them is you.. Below is a poem which i just wrote for you..

My tears flow like the river,
Empty cold shell on the shore..
My feeling speaks like the sky,
Raining with thunder storm..

I'm totally wounded and fatigued,
Seeking for your shelter..
Living in despair..
But not in pity..

Quietly, i wait..
Cigarette accompany..
Promise you I’ll quit..
But not without you..

Dare not to dreams or hopes..
Dare not to love..
If time can really prove..
I'll prove my true love for you..

010807

懂
要找到真爱，便要找到一个懂你的人。
这个人也许并不是十全十美，但因为他懂你：
对你来说，他就是十全十美的，就是这么一个[懂]字。
懂到底是什么？
当你遇到挫折时，他不说一句损你尊严的话
当你意气用事时，他绝不迁就，而会娓娓解说事理给你听
当你心情不好时，他绝不和你一般见解，而大吵大闹
当你远隔千里，难得见面时，他也深信你
当你愉快时，他也愉快而且会告诉你
当你烦恼时，他也烦恼但不会轻易告诉你
[懂]，是需要多少的了解，多少的体谅，多少爱心
要找一个懂你的人，真的很不容易
找一的懂你的人，也期许自己做一个懂他的人
但，这又谈何容易呢？

珍惜
香烟爱上火柴就注定被伤害；
不要轻易说爱，许下的承诺就是欠下的债；
老鼠对猫说我爱你，猫说你走开，
老鼠流泪走开，谁也没看见老鼠走后猫也流了一滴眼泪；
其实有一种爱情叫做放弃；
风筝一辈子只会为一根线冒险；
女人善变的是脸，男人善变的是心；
在爱情的世界里，没有谁对不起谁，只有谁不懂珍惜谁；
遇到了真爱就不要轻易说离开；
要记得抓紧爱情，而不是抓伤彼此的感情；
不要忘了真爱难寻。。。
给别人一个机会，也给自己一个机会，
勿要在错过后才来后悔。。。


Got it from http://yy_yy.blogs.friendster.com/very_fan/
what she have mention above is true.. Yesterday, finally see that guy in person as both of them were in the lift while i waiting for her to off work.. Today.. she seen a dentist as she have been having tooth ache for past few days.. chat with her today and after hearing what she had said over the phone.. my heart hurt again.. is worse then ever.. heartbreak after heartbreak.. she just said she love me yesterday but today she hurt my feeling again.. i felt so despair.. totally have no mood to work at all.. no dreams or goals.. no love, no feeling..

Our love is there, just like petrol in the car but the car just won't start without the key.. only she have the key.. only she can make the engine start running.. i never blame her for leaving me, but rather, i blame myself for not making her stay.. All i ask for is her return.. i willing to do anything for her.. even if is to ask me run to hell and back..

But things changes.. she is pissed with me.. and she won't want to return anymore.. yes, i know you guys are happy about it.. why? i just a loser after all.. all i do is to fight for my love.. is what i had done is wrong? to the extend, i'm just like a third party.. can i end my life now?