090408
After drinking for so many days.. i can start to feel my body is giving way.. i am seeing double vision now.. my mind is frozen all the time.. the only thing that is still alive and linger in my mind is her.. my knees is giving way.. but i just don't care.. for i can't sleep.. i don't want to stay at home and cry alone.. i don't want to hug my bolster pretending to hug her..
I keep calling her.. to a day she will answer.. i keep waiting for her.. to a day she will return.. you can call me stupid.. you can call me stubborn.. but i am not going to move on.. for i know that is my happiness.. true happiness.. who will be so stupid to throw their own happiness away? How to move on and start a new relationship when you truly in love with another one? Life is simple for me now.. Work, home and drink.. nothing else.. I actually save up money but i never told her about it.. i always told her i don't have enough because i am saving for our future.. yet now.. my future is only to wait.. and just wait..
I going to State for about a month.. to backpack.. from San Francisco to Los Angeles to Las Vegas.. i going to spend the money that i had save so far for i know she won't return.. once a girl's mind is fix.. is hard to change her mind.. I don't show you who i am doesn't mean I am not.. is just that you yet to seen it.. My love will stay.. nothing going to change my love for you.. let time prove my words.. i am seriously very tired.. yet i only able to rest a hour or two a day.. for i dreams about her every night.. that how bad my insomnia is.. even drinking doesn't help.. i love to sleep alot.. yet i can't do it now..
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