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Once i reached home last night on my birthday.. i drank myself down hoping to get myself asleep yet i unable to.. i was fresh awake even if i keep drinking.. today.. philbert is out with me.. and he accompany me the whole day knowing i am feeling very down.. really need to thanks him.. if not for him i have given up on my life.. in my whole life i only cried for two woman.. one is my first love.. and the other one is none other than her..

My whole mind is simply keep thinking about her.. every seconds every moments.. i vented my anger on the pool table.. and i drink till last drop of vodka.. yet i still unable to get her out of my mind.. when philbert's girlfriend mention to ask me to let her go.. i told her i did.. i let her go.. my heart is trembling when i saying it.. i immediatly went out of the bar to get some fresh air.. yet tears just keep pouring.. my heart is so hurt till now.. like a knife stab into me.. i can't feel my heartbeat.. i can't smile.. even if i do.. i force on it.. i fake it.. knowing he will be happy for our break up.. knowing she will be with another guy.. knowing i can't be with her anymore.. i simply break down.. i so much wanted to call her.. to sms her.. just to know how is she doing.. but i know she won't answer or reply me at all.. i having insomia again.. i can't sleep without her.. i can't sleep without looking at her smiles..

i still wearing the ring.. a pledge of our love.. her photos still intact and everything just remain the same.. but without her.. i just wish one day.. i will wait till that day that she will realise she make a mistake and return to me.. i don't wish to step into any relationship anymore.. i scare of loving another person.. i put in so much and hurt so badly.. i just want to be alone.. quiet.. in my own room.. life is so unfair.. the whole day i just listen to one song.. and that is Cai Hong by Jay Chou. the meaning is so deep for us..