100507
Got into a small quarrel with her over some stupid stuff.. and she scolded me "fuck up".. It simply injected right into my bone.. And i just feel so useless and stupid.. I'm used to be a confident and well-discipline person.. that was the time I was a trainer in NDP days.. Now, things change.. things go in the mess.. no confident at all.. worse is that i even can have stage fright now.. where in the past, i can control and speak in front of everybody that is more than 80 people with no issue.. I can no longer go back to the past.. yet I doesn't know how to get back the confident level that i used to have..
She leaving on Sat.. with her friends.. and i feel sad and moody about it.. but i can't stop her.. as it is her freedom to do so.. I got to respect her yet i worry about her.. i asked her if i can tag along, where my intention is to take care of her, but i know she won't agree as she will have to focus her attention to me instead to her friends..
It all because of things that had been piled up till today to make me feel this way.. i doesn't know how to open up my mouth to speak or tell her how i feel when she know that i am moody.. Thinking i can meet her tomorrow.. but till late today then I realise she got work when I asked her.. it just make it so much worse.. My life now surround her.. and i doesn't know what to do without her other than my work.. I simply feel so de-moralise.. lonely and sad.. Time is getting lesser and lesser as I know there alot of up-coming events that need me to work on it, therefore, everytime when i meet her.. I always want to treasure the time together..
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